Gone the ways of the appendix and pinkie toe, the failure muscle is a defunct mass of sinew. There's just no need for it. The muscles we do need - Resilience. Response. Self-grace. Self-compassion. Other-grace. Other-Compassion. They get stronger with practice. Build those muscles, add them to the circuit. That practice comes every time we catch ourselves in the moment, in real time and reframe through recognizing ourselves living the human condition, like everyone else. Our humanness. That we all enjoy. And sometimes don't enjoy.Read More
I tell my children there is no failure, it's all just data points. Information. Information where we gain insight about ourselves, about others, about whatever-it-was we're working on or trying out or going through. Information that can be applied and used to inform further action and decision. You can graph that shit. Our posture towards failure can make failure a tripping point or a data point. Francis Bacon was right, "Knowledge is power."Read More
Think for a moment about your definition of failure. What types of situations cause your inner critic to go wild? "I'm such a failure, I'll never change, I knew this would happen, why did I even try, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I did that, no one else would have done that, seriously no one else." What is your posture towards failure? Are you afraid to fail? To be seen failing? What does failure say about who you are?Read More
People, like Ogres, are like onions. We have layers; sometimes we stink.
For me, layers are discovered in repetition. That takes time. My unbounded inner world that springs poetic leaks relies on the frayed threads from the worn bindings of overuse.Read More
Welp, that didn't pan out. It's not too soon to laugh, it is too soon not to feel embarrassed.Read More
This canvas print hangs in my studio, pretty sure it came from Target years ago. I love the on purpose prompt of purpose.
Most days, I follow a ritual morning-and-evening moment of meditation that help me get into a posture of reviewing my Intentions for the day, for the night.Read More
*Warning - Triggers, difficult topic, graphic imagery*
Author Note: As I post more frequently, I am weaving in posts I drafted when I first considered taking Pensive Impulse live; only took four years, I acquired it in 2012! This is the very first post I wrote in April 2016, but not the first one I published.Read More
"We should always remember--To themselves, no one is just another person."
In commitment to cultivating this seedling space of writing and connection, these pieces of me, I will share the range, raw, now, then, tough, terrible, terrific and the dreams that carry me through. A closed bug, intensely private; unless you've made the hand of friends, I'm a vault...till now. It has been hard to peel the onion. Especially in terms of social media. In my acceptance of who I am, I am committed to living my best life. As one who writes for breathing, it's self preservation, sheer living and sharing the 'excess,' full stop.
Pain messes with acceptance. As do a lot of things. The most beautiful result of my pain and therapy journey has been the unabashed acceptance of myself. Today I can celebrate that. I struggled with this mightily, over decades.
Guilt for how I lived my life. Guilt for how I didn't live my life. Guilt coming from the judgement of others through their projected shit-problems masked by righteous motive. I saw you never see me. I heaped layers of stratosphere. False guilt. Real guilt. Shame. Of talking. Of not talking. Of hiding. Of being misunderstood. Of anger. So much anger. Directed at myself. Taken out on myself. Hypocrisy and ghosts. Fear. Fear of never being understood. Fear of never being seen. Fear of being seen. My cells turned to attack. I was a disease to be eradicated. A failure. A lost cause. A spirit that never should have taken the dive. Oh, and too weird. Too lost, too everything to deserve anything.
Or so I thought.Read More
Fourteen years ago a boy married a girl.Read More
Under dimming hues
of brilliant rust and crimson
across the Great Beyond,
This morning another jolt…We form our opinions whether they were famous or not. "They had everything. I'd love to have their problems. They were so selfish, they don't care about who is left behind." I've heard these and more. If you're human, then you're going to struggle. What causes me to struggle may be your superpower. What trips you up may not phase me. Or maybe we both can understand how deep the rabbit hole can go. Who can truly comprehend the demons of another? The journey of another?Read More
Sam, my daughter, my LoveBug about to turn 5, has been fighting high fever and Flu B this week. This is just another in a long line of sick since new years, seems the case for most folks we know, this season being a tough one, and boy we're sick of sick. We've had to put a lot of activities on hold and just when we think we can get back to something, some other sick strikes.
It's a gloomish day, has sure felt like a gloomish week; I could use soul stir. A sunbeam. Even a spider.Read More
What day is this?
Last Friday, Hurricane Harvey made landfall leaving behind massive destruction. An unfeeling storm propelled by unfeeling elements as homes and businesses were blown away upon impact, as waters rose and rose and rose, as lives were lost. Millions of lives have been forever changed.
I remember looking out the...Read More
Kintsugi is the incredible form of Japanese art focused on repairing damaged pottery. Known as the 'golden repair,' the technique involves combining lacquer with gold, silver or platinum to form new bonds.
The narrative of a piece being reworked undergoes enriching fortification, efforts in of themselves that preserve and extol its existence and passage along its particular journey - its golden journey. The act of forging new bonds...Read More