All tagged connection

off the trail

Depression isn’t sadness that just stuck around. Sadness can/will/does lift. Depression is the cloudy and colored lens impacting the shade and warmth of ‘as far as the eye can see.’ Depression accompanies chronic pain frequently because of the mental ram required to constantly right our ship. If there is not a fan (relief) in your hard drive, it overheats and your computer acts wonky or stops working. With our energy zapped and capacity maxed, our ship lists. We see the world at an angle because our reality is relative and therefore also at an angle. Skewed. Off-kilter. Something is wrong.

The misunderstanding, stigma and suspicion that follows pain patients sorely compounds and complicates our journey. Dismissive terms like “pill-seeking, all in your head, phantom pain” follow us around. Not only do we daily deal with the onslaught of sorting the minutia when it comes to the constant impacts and adjustments, but we have to convince others this is our reality, even with our doctors, especially if we don’t look like we constantly battle a demon…

The what and why of Pensive Impulse is my witness. I see this space as one of movement with time, finger exercise and volume, deep breaths and cat stretch, therapy and sorting, practice and play — while locating my timbre. I write long-form, which is not everyone’s cup of tea but I’m also not trying to be everyone’s cup of tea. That would make for some boring tea time.