All tagged fears

off the trail

Depression isn’t sadness that just stuck around. Sadness can/will/does lift. Depression is the cloudy and colored lens impacting the shade and warmth of ‘as far as the eye can see.’ Depression accompanies chronic pain frequently because of the mental ram required to constantly right our ship. If there is not a fan (relief) in your hard drive, it overheats and your computer acts wonky or stops working. With our energy zapped and capacity maxed, our ship lists. We see the world at an angle because our reality is relative and therefore also at an angle. Skewed. Off-kilter. Something is wrong.

It was 11pm. I was waiting on some samples to make their way up to my treetop lab with the viewing window, overlooking the sea of machinery below. Runs and belts and quart bottles bobbing over rollers. It was just me on second shift now. My trainer, a college student in chemistry, barely younger than myself, had moved back to day shift. The job wasn't complicated compared to last one - running a cold store of millions of compounds to prepare for scientific testing in product development. There was a solid plan for moving up management here, they had said in the interview. “Yes, sounds great.”

Gone the ways of the appendix and pinkie toe, the failure muscle is a defunct mass of sinew. There's just no need for it. The muscles we do need - Resilience. Response. Self-grace. Self-compassion. Other-grace. Other-Compassion. They get stronger with practice. Build those muscles, add them to the circuit. That practice comes every time we catch ourselves in the moment, in real time and reframe through recognizing ourselves living the human condition, like everyone else. Our humanness. That we all enjoy. And sometimes don't enjoy. 

I tell my children there is no failure, it's all just data points. Information. Information where we gain insight about ourselves, about others, about whatever-it-was we're working on or trying out or going through. Information that can be applied and used to inform further action and decision. You can graph that shit. Our posture towards failure can make failure a tripping point or a data point. Francis Bacon was right, "Knowledge is power." 

Think for a moment about your definition of failure. What types of situations cause your inner critic to go wild? "I'm such a failure, I'll never change, I knew this would happen, why did I even try, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I did that, no one else would have done that, seriously no one else." What is your posture towards failure? Are you afraid to fail? To be seen failing? What does failure say about who you are?